My grandfather just died.  I’m sad, but in a kind of abstract way.  I really never knew him.  We moved away from Savannah when I was two or three and were only able to visit occasionally as I grew up.

It wasn’t unexpected.  He’d had Alzeimer’s, or something similar.  He’d been bedridden for awhile and his mind was going.  They thought he might have had a small stroke last week.

I’m actually more relieved than grieved.  He didn’t like living like that, dependent on others for everything.  It’s been so hard on my grandmother.  I know she didn’t want to see him die, but now that he is she can grieve and begin to recover. I’m particularly sad that it happened so close to Christmas.  Now Christmas will always be particularly sad for her.

I’m sad for my mom, my grandmother, my aunt, and my cousins.  For them, this is a painful loss.  For me, I’m a bit sorry that I’m not more sad than I am.  I’ll send flowers.  I may go to the funeral.  But I’ll feel like a stranger watching other people grieve.

I really didn’t know him.