Category: Personal

In Memory of Joe C. Cribbs

15 Comments

My grandfather died last Thursday and my family and I attended the funeral on Monday.  My mother, later, was kind of upset that the preacher didn’t really tell any stories about him other than just that he was an old, sick man.  The preacher mostly just talked about how this was a sad time and we should take comfort in each other and in Jesus.  It was almost like he had a standard funeral speech and it wasn’t really about my grandfather at all.  There was so much more to him than just an old man who was very sick.

Now, I really never knew him, so I don’t have any of my own stories to tell about him.  But my mother told me a couple and I think I can remember a couple things other people said at the funeral.  So, I thought I’d write those down here and then give everybody a link to the page so they can share these stories and add their own (or correct me if I’ve gotten it wrong).  I thought this might be a nice way for people to remember and share their stories about him.

Just to make it easy, I’m going to refer to him as Joe.   That’s because he’s Grandpa or Granddaddy to me and my cousins, Daddy to my mom and Barbara, etc.  This will make it simpler.  I’m also paraphrasing.  I can’t remember well enough to quote exactly what people said, word-for-word, but I think I can get the stories right anyway.

Mom (Vickie Holland) said:

Joe wasn’t perfect.  He was hard on his kids and they were afraid of him.  But he was Daddy to them and they loved him anyway.  She remembered every year there was a fair they’d go to.  It was the highlight of their year and they’d save up all their allowance for two months to have enough to spend on the rides.  But if Joe ever found out he’d say, “I don’t know why you want to waste your money on that.” and it would always just squelch their excitement.  So, they learned never to mention that they were saving for it and just enjoy it when it came.

Well, she remembered one time they were out of town and they went to an amusement park.  Joe was standing there watching them having fun on the rides.  Every time they’d get off he’d ask them if they liked the ride and, if they said yes, he’d give them some money to go ride it again.  Mom said she was thinking, “I like this Daddy.  What happened to my Daddy?”  because it was so uncharacteristic of him.  He just kept giving them money all night and they had a wonderful time.

The preacher was talking about how Joe had played the guitar.  There was a song he used to mostly play that they played at the service called “Wildwood Flower”.  The preacher made it sound like Joe just played his guitar all the time and he loved music.  Vickie said that he was actually very shy about it.  He did like to play and sometimes even sing, but not out around folks.  Mostly just in his bedroom at night. He didn’t play many songs, but that song was one that he particularly liked and was good at.  It was a lively, happy song.

She said he’d gotten that guitar as a gift from his kids and her Uncle Dick.  Dick had all the kids chip in money for the guitar, but really, he paid for it mostly.  But that way it could be a gift from the kids to their daddy.  He did that because he knew the whole Cribbs family was kind of musical and Joe could play by ear a little, but didn’t have an instrument.  He thought Joe would like it, and he did.

Jamie Cribbs said:

They went out fishing and stuff a lot, but what he remembered was the odd things Joe would do that seemed out of character.  Like he’d never play around with stuff.  He’d always say, “If you play with it, you’re going to break it.” and he was always especially careful about his trucks.  But one time he’d gotten a new truck and him and Jamie were out driving.  Well, Joe decided to try out the truck, really put it through it’s paces.  And he was driving around corners, making it slide, driving fast, just playing with his truck.  At one point he slid it completely sideways on the road.  That was so much fun and it’s one of the memories that stands out for Jamie.

B.J. Cannaday said:

She was wearing some high boots that were kind of scuffed at the toes.  She said that Joe had never liked anything she wore and was always complaining about it.  But when she’d worn these boots, he’d said, “Those are some nice boots.”  So, even though she’d scuffed them up since and they weren’t in as good a shape as she’d like, she wore those boots to the funeral because Joe liked them.

Lorene Cribbs said:

Sometimes people would call on the phone asking for Loraine (mispronouncing her name) and Joe would always say something like, “Loraine doesn’t live here, but Lorene is here.”  He wanted people to get her name right.

Now, there’s either a comment box at the very bottom of this page or (if this page is showing several posts) there’ll be a link under this post saying “3 COMMENTS” (or whatever number) and, if you click on that, you can post there.   I’d like everybody to add a comment below and share their own Joe stories so that everyone can remember him as he was in life, not just as he was when he was near his death.

If anyone missed the obituary, it can be found here.

My Grandfather Just Died

Leave a comment

My grandfather just died.  I’m sad, but in a kind of abstract way.  I really never knew him.  We moved away from Savannah when I was two or three and were only able to visit occasionally as I grew up.

It wasn’t unexpected.  He’d had Alzeimer’s, or something similar.  He’d been bedridden for awhile and his mind was going.  They thought he might have had a small stroke last week.

I’m actually more relieved than grieved.  He didn’t like living like that, dependent on others for everything.  It’s been so hard on my grandmother.  I know she didn’t want to see him die, but now that he is she can grieve and begin to recover. I’m particularly sad that it happened so close to Christmas.  Now Christmas will always be particularly sad for her.

I’m sad for my mom, my grandmother, my aunt, and my cousins.  For them, this is a painful loss.  For me, I’m a bit sorry that I’m not more sad than I am.  I’ll send flowers.  I may go to the funeral.  But I’ll feel like a stranger watching other people grieve.

I really didn’t know him.

Please Promise Not To Use Your Cell Phone While Driving

5 Comments

Does anyone else know one of these walking contradictions?

I’m talking about Moms who are so careful about their kids.  They baby-proof their homes until there’s nary a sharp corner or exposed outlet to be found.  They pull all the strings out of their kids jackets and hoodies.  They cut everything the child eats into quarter inch pieces to avoid any possible choking hazards.  They never let anyone post pictures of their kids online for fear that a child molester might see it and somehow track them down.  They carry disinfecting wipes and gels everywhere to sanitize the child every time they touch something that may be contaminated.  They shop around for just the right, highest safety-rated child safety seat for the car, no matter how expensive.  They agonize over whether or not to immunize their kids and fret over every illness or injury they acquire.

And yet, these same mothers think nothing of driving around town while using their cell phones.  Do any of them really understand the danger they’re putting themselves, their kids, and anyone on the road with them in when they do this?  Talking on the cell phone while driving, hands-free or not, increases your risk of an accident as much as driving drunk!  Texting is even worse!  Think about it.  Whenever someone’s doing something stupid in traffic, don’t you usually see a cell phone in their hand?  Often they never even realize how close they came to an accident until they actually wreck the car.  They just go drifting down the road oblivious to everything else.  Well, believe it or not, when you drive while using your cell, that person is you!

There have been several studies proving this. But people don’t want to believe it because, if they did, they’d have to change their behavior. What conversation or text message is important enough to risk the health and even lives of you, your passengers, and everyone else you’re sharing the road with?

But of course, they think they’re so much more careful than everyone else.  They can hold a phone conversation and drive at the same time.  It’s not dangerous for them.  They’re careful.  Maybe they restrict their cell phone usage to when they’re driving on slow, familiar routes.  But is that any better?  So, then they’re impaired when driving on residential streets where kids, pets, and other pedestrians may be crossing.  Or maybe they only use their cell phone on the long stretches of highway where they don’t have to change lanes or merge for miles.  Is that better?  Driving impaired when one wrong move could cause them to hit another vehicle at speeds that could kill someone?  But, of course, they’re careful.  It won’t happen to them.

There are so many distractions around us all the time.  Given that, why on earth would you voluntarily add the unnecessary, additional distraction of a cell phone to the din?  It could be the one last distraction that tips you over the edge and makes you plow into that pickup truck in front of you or that kid riding his bike.

Think of all the inconveniences you go through to keep your kids safe on a regular basis.  All that baby-proofing and vigilance.  All that to protect them from dangers that are, let’s face it, fairly remote.  Is restraining yourself from using your cell phone while driving any more unreasonable than that? And as a bonus, you’re not just protecting yourself and your passengers, but you’re protecting everyone else who is out there on the road with you.  Isn’t that worth the minor inconvenience?

Remember, your phone does store the number of whoever called you and they can always leave a voice mail message.  So, you can pull into a parking lot and call them back within 2 or 3 minutes if it’s really important.  Try not to even glance at the caller ID unless you‘re stopped.  Just like texting, anything that takes your eyes off the road is dangerous. Especially if it’s habitual and you don’t think about what’s going on around you before you do it.  It’s best to just wait until you’re stopped to check it.  Think how embarrassed you’d be if you caused an accident because you were checking your caller id or a text message.  Even worse than embarrassment if the accident was a bad one.  Could you live with yourself if checking your phone resulted in an accident that killed or crippled someone?

For God’s sake, put down the phone and drive! Pull over to text or talk! Make a promise to your kids that their safety is more important to you than any cell phone conversation!

Some reference material:
Texting is Incredibly Dangerous While Driving:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/12/091222121949.htm
Cell Phone Conversations are as Dangerous as Driving Drunk:
http://www.unews.utah.edu/p/?r=062206-1
Cell Phone Conversations are Worse than Conversations with Passengers:
http://www.psych.utah.edu/lab/appliedcognition/publications/passenger.pdf

This post was featured in Mamapedia Voices on May 31st 2010.
Mamapedia: The wisdom of Moms
http://www.mamapedia.com/voices/please-promise-not-to-use-your-cell-phone-while-driving

My Blackberry Pie Recipe

1 Comment

3/4 cup sugar
3 tbsp minute tapioca
2 tbsp butter at room temp
4 cups fresh blackberries
Frozen Deep Dish Pie Crust (for bottom crust)
Refergerated pie dough (for top crust)
water
1 egg
1/2 cup sugar

Preheat oven to 400.
Combine sugar and tapioca w/ wisk.
Add butter and blend w/ wisk.
Add berries and mix with hands.
Let mixture set for 15 minutes.
While that sits, prebake frozen pie crust for 4-5 minutes. This prevents a doughy bottom crust, but can prevent good adhesion with the top crust if baked too long.
Fill pie crust with berry mixture.
Moisten edges of bottom crust until doughy again.
Cover with top crust.
Trim edges. Use fork to crimp edges.
Cut vent slits in top crust.
Whisk egg in bowl. Paint egg on top crust with pastry brush. Sprinkle with sugar.
Cover edges with aluminum foil or crust shield. Spray back side of shield with cooking oil to prevent sticking.

Bake for 45 minutes

If you make at least 2 pies, you’ll have enough crust trimmings to make turnovers, if you also have some extra berries and tapioca.

Do not ever make a blackberry pie using a recipe that calls for flour in the Blackberry mixture.  It doesn’t work right.  blackberries are too acidic and, for some reason, it prevents the flour from acting as a proper thickening agent.  Instead, you just end up with floury glop.  This is the voice of experience.  Tapioca works much better.

My Apple Pie Recipe

Leave a comment

1 frozen deep dish pie crust
1 refrigerated roll-out pie dough
½ cup sugar (1/3 to 2/3)
¼ cup all purpose flour
½ tsp cinnamon
dash salt
8 cups tart apples
1Tbsp butter
1 egg (beaten)
2 or 3 Tbsp cinnamon/sugar mixture

Thaw crusts.
Slice apples.
Mix sugar, flour, cinnamon & salt in large bowl.
Stir in apples.
Fill pie crust with apple mixture.
Dot with butter.
Cover top with roll-out pie crust.
Crimp and trim edges.
Cut slits for venting.
Brush crust with egg, then sprinkle with cinnamon/sugar mix.
Cover edge of piecrust with foil or pie crust shield to prevent overbrowning. Spraying back side of shield with cooking oil will help prevent sticking.

Bake at 425º for 40-50 minutes or until crust is brown & juice bubbles through slits. Remove foil during last 15 minutes.

Don’t Overcook Your Asparagus and An Asparagus Recipe

Leave a comment

Asparagus is delicious, but easy to overcook.  It only just needs a few minutes and it’s done.  More than that and you get a horrid, stringy vegetable mass that tastes a bit like canned green beans.

I recently ordered asparagus at a local Perkins restaurant.  I don’t know what I was thinking.  There was little chance they’d do it right and, in fact, they didn’t.   So very disappointed, but I didn’t think the cook had any idea.  Perhaps I should have complained.  Would it have made any difference?  Would it have gotten back to the cook and educated him on the proper way to cook this vegetable?  Probably not. *sigh*

I’ve overcooked asparagus myself before.  Several times, in fact.  I always feel bad when I do because it can be such a lovely dish when done properly.  I wonder how many people don’t know how to cook it and think that the overcooked version is what it’s supposed to taste like.

My favorite, and most successful, recipe for Asparagus is below.  You can tell it’s good because it starts with bacon.

Sauteed Asparagus with Onions, Peppers and Bacon in Cider Vinegar

5 or 6 strips of bacon, cut into one inch pieces
One Medium Onion, sliced
One Sweet Bell Pepper, chopped into one inch pieces (Red, Yellow or Orange is best, but Green is acceptable)
One bunch of Asparagus, chopped into one inch pieces
Some Cider Vinegar (Maybe 4 tablespoons or so)

Note:  Make sure you snap off the woody end of the asparagus stalk and discard.  You don’t eat this part of the stalk.

In a Medium-Hot frying pan, cook the bacon.  Do not drain.

Add Onions and cook until just soft.

Reduce heat to Medium.

Add Cider Vinegar.  Use your discretion on how much.  A couple splashes, is how I’d define it.

Add Peppers and cook for a minute or three until they start to get a bit soft.

Add Asparagus and cook for 3 or 4 minutes.  Every minute or so, take a piece out and taste it so you can be sure not to overcook it.  It should still be crispy, but warmed through and not raw.

Take off heat and transfer to a large bowl to serve.  The dish cools quickly, so be sure to cover if you won’t be serving immediately.  I like to use the Warm Hold setting on my microwave for this.

Enjoy.

Ranting About Child Car Seats

4 Comments

I would like to take this opportunity to express my frustration with the entire child car seat industry.  Even with the LATCH system, installing a child car seat is still extremely difficult to do correctly.

I heard a statistic the other day that 80% of child car seats are installed incorrectly.  And this is acceptable!  What other safety product is designed so that 80% of people using it cannot install it correctly?  In fact, it’s recommended that you go to your local fire station and have them install it for you.   As if it is expected that normal people probably can’t do it.  Am I the only one outraged by this?

Getting the thing in tight means climbing in with your knee in the seat and pulling with all your might to get it as tight as possible.  Overweight parents or those with compact cars may find that they can’t fit back there to do this.

When you do install your rear-facing car seat correctly, you’ll likely find that it takes up so much room that the front passenger seat has to be moved up to accommodate it.  So, the entire first year of your baby’s life, anyone traveling with you in the front seat is sitting with his knees against the dashboard.  That’s not exactly safe for the front passenger.

It’s one thing if the child’s car seat is on the passenger’s side, but what if you have twins and need a car seat on both sides?  You either have to install it at the wrong angle, live with driving with your seat way too far forward, or buy a minivan or large sedan.  Those aren’t good options.

And the angle of your seat may mean that you need to buy a special bolster to help position the child’s car seat at the correct angle.

Front-facing works better, but I’m still dismayed by the amount of space it takes up.  My children’s car seats both have bases that are actually deeper than the depth of the car’s backseat bottom cushion.  My daughter’s poor feet are squished sideways between the child car seat and the back of the driver’s seat. I’m looking forward to her weighing 40 pounds so I can switch her to a backless booster to give her more legroom.

Then there’s the whole issue of a three-passenger backseat not being able to actually fit 3 children’s car seats.

And if you have a booster up against a child car seat, how do you manage to buckle the seatbelt without having to move the booster over to reach the buckle?

And don’t even get me started about traveling with your child’s car seat in tow.

So frustrating.  And yes, I realize I’m offering no solutions, only complaints.   But that’s not my job.  I’m appalled that whoever designs these things hasn’t come up with something better.

Things I’ve Learned About Breastfeeding

1 Comment

It occurs to me that I should write down all the stuff I’ve learned about breastfeeding before I forget about it.

Background
I nursed my first daughter until she weaned herself at 22 months. I’m still nursing my second daughter, who’s just over two years old. She doesn’t show signs of weaning herself, so I’m starting to taper it off to force her to wean now.

Starting Out
It hurts. Even when you know what to expect and what to do, it hurts. But only for the first week or so. The deal is, your nipple isn’t used to being constantly sucked on and your baby doesn’t automatically have her technique down perfectly. She will latch on wrong a time or two at first and that will injure your nipple. Having her continue to suck on an injured nipple just increases the injury.

What to do? Put a lanolin cream on it. This does nothing for the pain, but it keeps the scab that’s forming soft. This will make nursing on the painful nipple a bit easier. It’s natural and non-toxic, so you don’t need to worry about wiping it off before nursing again. Use ice packs between nursing to help with the pain.

Nursing Pads
There are lots of options for nursing pads. I used the disposable ones occasionally, but I mostly used washable cloth ones. I liked the kind with a bit of lace on one side because the lace helped keep them in place in my bra without any adhesives.

Nursing Clothing
For the most part, you don’t need to buy special nursing clothing. T-Shirts work great. Just pull them up to nurse. The top of you T-Shirt will cover you pretty well, and the baby will cover your belly. Button-up blouses work well too.

Nursing Bras
These are essential. Forget about pretty, lacey things for now. You just need to find one that’s supportive. Unfortunately, I can’t find a nursing bra that fits me as well as a standard bra, but I do the best I can.

You’ll likely find yourself wanting a sleep bra, perhaps for the first time in your life.  When you’re very full of milk, they can be heavy and a little extra support is helpful.  More importantly, however, you need something to wear to keep your nursing pads in place.  Because you’ll likely leak a lot and otherwise you’ll get milk soaking your nightgown and sheets when you wake up.

Mastitis
I occasionally get a mastitis infection if I don’t nurse as often as normal the day before. I end up with too much milk and it causes an infection. I get a fever for a day and feel pretty miserable, but I’m better the next day. To prevent this, I try not to change my nursing patterns from day to day. Especially on days when we have company over or we’re traveling.

Pumping
It’s a nuisance. I did it for a year with my first daughter so my husband had milk to do one feeding at night. I also did it occasionally to prevent mastitis when I had too much milk but the baby wasn’t interested in nursing.

Storing It
I froze it in the baby bottles.

Reheating It
I used the microwave. I know that experts will caution you against this. But as long as you make sure to shake it up before giving it to the baby, it works fine. Shaking it is important to prevent hotspots that the microwave can cause.

Nursing in Public
It’s really not that big a deal. Have the courtesy not to flaunt it (face away from other people in the room and, if possible, find a private corner) and they will have the courtesy to avert their eyes and give you your privacy.

Milk Supply
Sometimes it will seem like your body isn’t producing enough milk and you start wondering about ways to increase your milk supply. I’ve seen lots of advice about teas and herbal supplements and such. The first thing you should try is to just drink more water. Seriously, that was all it ever took for me. That always solved the problem. If you’re dehydrated, your milk production goes down.

Breastmilk vs. Formula
Breastmilk is free. I’m cheap. I breastfeed.